I’m a Certified Parent Coach

Helping parents build connection

I have some excited news to share. I’m officially a certified parent coach!

My training has included lessons on child development, brain science, secure attachment, breaking cycles, emotional regulation, coaching, and much more. The program I took is certified by the International Coaching Federation (ICF). Most importantly, this work is aligned to my heart’s greatest desire and my life purpose.

What is Parent Coaching?

Parent coaches are a mix of guide, mentor, and teacher. Without judgement, we support parents and caregivers through the ups and downs of parenting. Some programs call it peaceful parenting or positive parenting. My work is connection-based, which is both positive and peaceful. In connection-based parenting, a single question can help a parent decide what to do in situations – Will this create more connection with your child?

One Thing I Love About Parent Coaching

I’m a self-proclaimed smarty-pants and long-time family fixer from my family of origin dynamic. Neither of these are necessarily good things. A smarty-pants collects info and likes to know everything (also a Gemini trait). Unfortunately, we like to give unsolicited advice and solutions. The family fixer feels like they need to hold everything together. We anticipate problems before they happen and often try to prevent them, protect family members, or smooth things over. I’ve been healing this dysfunction for decades and mostly don’t identify with that role in my family of origin, but holy batwoman did it show up in my parenting, especially with a high-needs child.

I share this because one thing I love about parent coaching is that I’m not supposed to have an answer or solution for my coachee. In fact, I’m not supposed to give advice or talk about what I did as a parent at all. Why? I don’t know the child or the parent’s family of origin. I don’t know what on the table or subconsciously coming up. How the heck would I know what’s best for the family?

A Parent Coach’s Role

My role as a parent coach is to listen and guide the parent toward their own intuition and family values. I continuously study brain and child development to know how parenting choices affect our children throughout their lives. I know that some choices absolutely do not grow connection. I also know that many choices and responses do grow connection.

My role is also to hold a mirror up for my coachee, figuratively. I help them hear what they’re saying so they can have aha moments or decide if something they did – or might do – helps grow connection.

When we do this work, things from our childhood often come up to be noticed and healed. I believe that reparenting is intertwined with parenting. We cannot stop things from coming up and likely shouldn’t want to.

Working Toward a Goal

Like most coaching, the purpose is to work toward and achieve a goal. That goal could be managing BIG behaviors, reducing the stress of parenting, setting boundaries, or 1,000 other things. A coachee doesn’t need to know what the goal is – we figure that out. They only need to know they don’t have to do it alone. I am here to support them!

If you’d like to know more about my coach, Sarah, check out the free resources on her site or her book.

Working with Me

My coaching site isn’t built yet, but if you know someone who would like a free consultation, have them email me. (You can call me or text me for my email too.) *It’s advised we don’t coach friends because we’re too close to be objective. But if you’re close to me and need help, I know some great coaches ;)

Parent Coaching Changed Everything

What I learned reshaped my life

Parent coaching changed my life.

The 8-week course I took wasn’t even called parent coaching. It was called “Raising Resilience.” It was during the COVID-19 lockdown and school-from-home time in Portland, Oregon. Life was TOUGH! But I had committed to prioritizing our mental health above all.

I thought that course would help my child with “big behaviors.”

It did, but not like I’d expected.

I had been on a path of healing and understanding for over a decade already. I’d been through many tough things. I’d spent most of my adult life gathering tools to help me cope, heal, and find peace. These tools help me stay sane and balanced (when I use them daily).

But my toolbox didn’t have what I needed to be a peaceful parent.

When I read “Parenting from the Inside Out,” by Daniel Siegel, it clicked. Huge ahas! It was an introduction to reparenting and why I might need to do it.

In the two-month course, we learned that behaviors mirror a child’s emotional tide.

We learned tons more about emotional regulation/nervous system regulation, which is basically where you are on the “losing your shiz” ladder with 0 being totally peaceful and relaxed and 10 being “effing meltdown or shutdown.”

We also learned about brain development, which happens until your mid-20s. Since children, even teens, don’t have fully developed brains, they often regress to a younger emotional age.

They don’t have what it takes to handle things “like an adult.”

They cannot regulate their nervous systems like older people (might).

We learned that in every instance, SOMEONE HAS TO BE THE ADULT IN THE ROOM.

Someone older than 25.

Someone with enough tools and maturity to handle emotions in healthy ways.

Guess who the adult in the room was?

Yep, it was me … joining the temper tantrum, raising my voice, having adult expectations for my 9-year-old child.

What changed me most was a term called co-regulation. When a child cannot regulate their nervous system, a parent or other adult is needed to help them manage emotions in that moment. It’s like gifting your child some emotional stability and support.

Oh, shiz.

Not only does someone need to be the adult in the room, but ideally that person will a) be able to manage their own emotions, and b) be able to lend emotional stability.

Between adults, we often call this “holding space.”

How this looks is different for every child and varies from situation to situation.

I learned to do this for my child.

Not by telling (being quiet is often best in those moments), but by modeling what to do. Showing, not telling.

Holding my shiz together.

Being the adult in the room.

Understanding that my child DOESN’T have the tools or the brain development to “just stop” or “listen” or sometimes get off the floor.

Parent coaching – or raising my resilience – changed me and my relationship with my child. Forever. Because I act differently. I AM the adult in the room. (I also started timed temper tantrums that we both did! But that’s a story for another day.)

It changed how I respond – or don’t! – to situations and people.

Also, I began to see the people around me differently … like children without the proper tools or ability to regulate their nervous systems and emotions.

The screaming boss.

The “leader” threatening others in emails.

The shoppers physically fighting over the last shopping basket.

The road rage driver who pulls a gun over a traffic incident.

All 5-year-olds without the tools needed to manage big emotions.

I took a certified life coaching course a few years ago because I wanted to help people have happier, healthier lives. But I needed more.

In August, I started the first of two courses to become a certified parenting coach as well.

I believe that everyone is doing the best they can with the tools they have. But most of us need more tools, more understanding, and more unconditional love (especially for ourselves!!!)

I intend to help people get the tools, understanding, and love they deserve.

Some will be parents.

Some will be reparenting themselves.

Some will want to be better leaders. (It turns out that leadership books say emotional intelligence is THE THING that sets great leaders apart. More on that later as well.)

Sharing insights and tools with people – parents, children, and everyone who wants to have a happier, healthier life – is my heart’s desire, my passion work.

It’s with the greatest joy that I share this first step.